Skip to content

Straws Suck: Just say no straw please

May 21, 2009

n65358216643_5863 monkey drinks through strawsIt’s going to be hard to break the news to my little monkey but it’s time to just say no to plastic straws because Plastic Straws are For Suckers!

My friend Marialyce Pedersen invited me to join a facebook group which asks:

What would happen if everyone who ordered a drink politely added “And no plastic straw, please!” ?

What would happen is this…

That straw, that was unwrapped from a paper wrapper and unboxed from a box, unloaded from a truck that drove from the docks where a ship had carried it from faraway lands or a railcar had chugged through the once pristine sands of the Gulf Coast-Home of the US Petrochemical Industry and the petrochemical-contaminated fisheries and the cancers that carry misery on the waters of the once great Gulf Coast-

That straw, that was made from gas (that treasured substance from our ancient past) and through clever methods developed by clever men, strung together in molecules, becoming a resin that’s plasticized, colorized, fillerized and stabilized-off-gassing and weeping wastewater throughout-

That straw, that was going to end up in your drink for just a moment-so that you could grab it, give your drink a swirl, then pull it out and toss it aside where it would lay until the waitstaff came to clear it away and dump it in the trash -to go where? buried in the ground for millions of years or burned for energy a pointless, poisonous career –

That straw would no longer be needed.

And with millions of people demanding ” No Plastic Straws, Please!” the factories would stop making them and the fisheries would recover. Slowly perhaps, but with your help they will and the rails will carry merrymakers seeking a day’s thrill down on the Gulf Coast.

And those ships from faraway lands that brought us plastic poisons in brightly colored bands? Well, let’s just ask them to stay away, please, and not to return until they have something truly special like some nice oolong teas.

And the trucks that rumbled from the  docks at the port? Well, we’ll change over to wagons and make it a sport! (ox-racing!)

And the forests will return, soon you shall see, when we stop wrapping straws in all of our trees.

And the air will blow cleaner, and the waters will run pure and all this will happen from this one simple cure.

And is that not reason to celebrate? Let’s drink to that and No Plastic Straw, Please!

Yes, my little monkey will be disappointed–until I tell him we can get some of the edible ones he’s been begging for at Big Lots and that we have plenty of reusable ones at our house that we’ll just bring with us from now on just like we’ve learned to bring our own cups and our own shopping bags!

(By the way, poetically I take absolutely no credit or blame for the rap above. It came to me in an odd collection of stanzas, paragraphs, end rhymes and more. I turned it into this format but it’s still crazy making for me.)

Contact Info

Los Angeles, CA
One Comment leave one →
  1. May 21, 2009 9:24 pm

    I’ve come to the same conclusion regarding those wooden stir sticks at coffee houses.

    Hey, thought you might like this:

    Read the about section. How cool is that? I’m thinking of following in her footsteps.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s

Crushed Grape Chronicles

Adventures in Wine Exploration


Taxi Talk Without Tipping

Querus Abuttu

The "Q" Review

Jack Elliott's Santa Barbara Adventure

. . .tales from one man's wanderings, regional insight and history

The magical world of wines from Grocery Outlet

The best and the worst of Gross Out.

Stephen McConnell

A Daily Journal of Fruit, Structure, Varietal honesty, and Balance.

Sonoran Images

Photography by Steven Kessel


Diary of a Wine Student

Syrah Queen

Wine, Food & Travel Resource

The Paper Plane Journey

About my passion for wine and travel

Briscoe Bites

Booze, Baking, Big Bites and More!

Mythology Matters

Matters of Myth, and Why Myth Matters

Smith-Madrone News

Good Thoughts & Great Wine from Spring Mountain, Napa Valley

Fueled by Coffee

Lifestyle, food, parenting, DYI

Bottled Bliss

Day-colored wine, night-colored wine, wine with purple feet...

Do Bianchi

Negotiating the Epistemologic Implications of Oenophilia


Global wine culture

Elizabeth Gabay MW

Wine, Food and History: from the Rhone to Piedmont

Budget Trek Kashmir

Family run Company Specialist Trekking in Jammu & Kashmir, North Indian Himalayas

Oldfield's Wanderings

Objects in blog are closer than they appear

Memorable Moments

With Lists & Adventures That Keep Life Interesting

Vinos y Pasiones

Información acerca de bodegas, vinos, gastronomía y enoturismo.

Best Tanzania Travel Guides

from Kilimanjaro to the Serengeti and beyond


The Best Guide in Tanzania

Pull That Cork

Wine makes our life more fun.

Always Ravenous

Adventures in Food and Wine

Joy of Wine

"Wine cheereth God and man." -- Judges 9:13

Side Hustle Wino

If you're not having fun, you're not doing right.

Vineyard Son Alegre

Organic Wine And Olive Oil From Santanyí, Mallorca (Spain)

L.M. Archer

wordsmith | consumer, b2b + b2c

What's in that Bottle?

Better Living Through Better Wine!


My humble wine blog


When food and wine click!

The Flavor of Grace

Helene Kremer's The Flavor of Grace

The Swirling Dervish

Wine Stories, Food Pairings, and Life Adventures


Living La Vida Vino!

Dracaena Wines

Our Wines + Your Moments = Great Memories

%d bloggers like this: